I usually run in writing whenever I can't tell anyone what I feel. That scenario happened today, that's why I'm writing again -- just to vent out my thoughts. I don't literally know what am I supposed to write here; all I know is I need answers.

I bet everyone knows the feeling that you're okei but you're not? I mean, you're okei, as in okei... but then there are points in your life that triggers you that you're not. I've been running quite some time now, until time made me face it. In life, we let go and move on. I never understood why someone don't get to know how hard moving on could be. Memories kept haunting me, I get that. Maybe that's the main reason why I'm okei then I'm not. My problem is, I hold on to the good memories that never even last; that for some reasons people use that because things are okei already. But the question is, why use those memories? I don't know, I need answers.

I almost had a perfect week. This week was where I started again, the usual things I do before like waking up early, doing my best to learn, pushing myself to strive harder and so much things I need to rebuilt for myself. I had my loveliest mornings this week. It's like I would love to do this forever if that's what I will get everyday. I don't understand why am I letting someone hold something that shouldn't be held anymore. I still care, maybe that could be the main reason. I don't know, I need answers.

Then later this day, my officemate gave me a scenario from someone in my past. Those what ifs thingy. I answered the same answer I give others everytime they will open up something like that: 'I don't know, like it depends on the situation.' Then one thought popped out of my mind. Do I need someone to be happy? Maybe yes maybe no, but everyone needs one. I feel lonely at times yes, but maybe I just wanted to feel safe and loved again. I need someone who's real. I need someone who will make me feel that I was born not to be hurt. I miss those times that all you have to do is to wake up and feel perfectly fine because someone is sad without you around.

So to quote what I felt today, a lyrics from Taylor Swift's Last Kiss:

Maybe I miss us. Maybe I miss everything about us. I miss those hugs and kisses. Seriously, but when I see you; I no longer feel that. Memories. Memories. It kept haunting me.