Broken Diaries: "Father, it's painful but have Your way."
"Relationships are not static. They are like two boats in the ocean, either sailing towards the same destination or drifting apart."
The quote above is from David Bonifacio's post: How to Lose a Guy: More on Evaluation. A friend shared his blog on Facebook, and I'm glad I saw it and read it. I don't know more about David Bonifacio, all I know is that he's a brother of Joseph Bonifacio -- Rica Peralejo's pastor husband. The post is not actually about "losing a guy", it's more about evaluating the relationship you have, losing the depth of the relationship, to stop seeking the past and focusing on the future when you have to live with now.
Today should have been our 10th monthsary. As depressing as it is, we stopped counting already. And as much as I've wanted to skip this day, I can't. I really wish I could, but I've been running away so much already and I have to face it. Days have been hard. Sleeping and waking up became my least favorite thing to do. Even dreaming, yes... for sometimes it shows the things I've been wanting to see or hear. I kept praying so hard for this pain to end, for He can remove the anger and pain I have in my heart. But only God knows what He does and what certain reasons it has for things to happen. I've also read David Bonifacio's post about The Beauty of A Broken Heart in which this post's title is all about: to stop myself from distractions, to stop burying myself with work and activities, to stop starting new, etc. Instead, I am letting God do His work. I am letting Him free my pain little by little so I could become better follower of Him. As what David said on his post, I want to stop planting bad seeds on my heart, it might be as painful as it is right now... but I'm letting God have it His way.
Pain is always a reminder of how love is always there. It's a reminder that it was once true, that it has once made you happy. We often refuse to let go of what makes us sad, because we hold on to what we know that might keep us sane. Little we know, it's what we need to do to be happy: to let go of all those things. It may be as simple as it is written or said, but it's one of the hardest things to do in life.
On the contrary, just let me be what I have to be. I want to go through all phases just to get through this, I have my God... I have wonderful friends, and I will be a better child of God. I will heal, God will heal me.
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