The past month was like a roller coaster ride, I was crazily happy because I got to spend a month with him, but it was sad to see my beloved lola go. I was thankful that he's here when my lola passed away for he helped ease the pain... but now that he's away, I feel like my heart was missing on my chest.

I never felt this such intense separation anxiety before. I used to feel separation anxiety whenever my mom had to leave for work. I would cry because she's leaving us, but then it would go away days after. With him, it's different. I get to finally feel what my mom feels when she's leaving us or when she had to go by days without watching us grow up. I get to finally feel the homesick feeling OFWs have when they leave the country... but I am at home and I feel all of these. When Philip left, I never thought I would insanely cry for days; that until today, I would cry whenever I miss him badly. Longing for him was not easy... it is something we have to live with everyday until the next day we'll meet again. It is something long distance relationships have, and forever will have until they break the distance. January was a lovely month, yes. Maybe we really needed to be together to have more reasons to fight for this. We both know that distance is temporary... and with God's grace, maybe... maybe one day we don't have to be like this anymore. I love him and I trust our love for each other. We'll never know what could happen the next morning; but for now I know I want this to work badly. He's been away for 2 years before our relationship started, and I believe that distance is never a hindrance to us because our friendship blossomed into love even when being away from each other. 

I am longing so much to have him on my side again... like I never thought doing things would be this hard for I picture myself doing those things with him. It's like everything that I do reminds me of him, reminds me of being with him. He feels the same either, and it breaks my heart to hear/see him cry. We'll have to wait for another 2 years to be with each other again, but we pray that God would grant us patience and even a miracle to be together in less than 2 years. I really hope we could be together someday, that there will be no distance that could separate us anymore. Haaay, help us oh Lord. I will definitely work my butt off so I could save up and try if I could visit him one day. This would be harder than we thought it would be, but with God's help, we can do this. You know you have reasons to fight for and to believe in one thing if he's fighting with you too... Philip has proven that I am not alone in this, and that he badly want this to work too.