I'm a believer of love, true love, soulmates, destiny, name it! As corny as it may sound as it is, yes I believe in those. I believe that God prepared someone you could share forever with. Funny how I believe in all those, but not in marriage. At one point in my life I did, but I grew up not believing in it anymore. Love is not just a feeling, it's a choice too. You should choose and work hard to love your partner every single day for it to work... but why do we have broken families and broken marriages? They swore to God to be together for richer or for poorer, for sickness and in health, not to mention for only death can make them part. See my point there, that's my reason why I chose not to believe in marriage.

If you'll ask me if my parents are still together, well, they aren't since 10+ years ago. You'll be telling me that maybe this is the reason why I don't believe in marriage, I am happily agreeing with you. I am a product of a broken family. I've seen my parents' ups and downs, how this family we have was broken in a split second. I know my father was a jerk, but seeing his relationship with my mom fleeting every single day made things worst before. As a youngster back then, I only know that it's part of their relationship -- to fight and to make up. No one explained things to us, my sisters and I just understood it already because we've seen how my parents fight then... not even my father or my mother. Sometimes it's hard to go back and see what I'm seeing that time. My mom works abroad and would go home and stay here for only 2 months; but given that span of time, they still managed to fight everyday. That's why I never dreamt of having a family. I may have understood things better now, but the problem with that is I didn't know how it broke me too when I finally saw the hole in my heart it created. It is just hard to see my place to someone you know, that a child is maybe experiencing the same things I was dealing before. It was when I realized how deep family matters could be to a child. Yes we could forget it as we grow up, yet that 'brokenness' will always stay there. I'm not saying that my parents should have stayed together, no. In fact, I am happy that they are both happy to where they are now... that they are happy with their new partners too. It's just that pain will always be there, that it will carry you for it grew on you. I bet that's what happened on me, I guess with my sisters too.

You can't blame me if I don't believe in marriage. I fantasy myself being in a wedding, but I don't even know what my dream wedding is... or even if I will be prepared to raise my own family when I came from a broken one. Maybe one day, someone will make me feel like I would want to have one, but as of now I really don't want to believe in it. I trust God to wherever path He'll lead me, but I pray for these wounds to heal, for one day, I will no longer be reminded of all the things that hurt.